November is National Adoption Awareness Month. Today is Orphan Sunday. There are 145 million orphans world-wide that are awaiting their Forever Family. Please just take a moment and pray for them and all of the families like us that are so desperately waiting for them to come home. I remember the day my niece Bayley was born like it was yesterday. I was spending the night at my parents house because my sister Leigh Ann was to be induced the next day. We had all of our things ready, cameras, baby quilt, magazines, etc. We finally settled down and went to bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, the phone rang. It was Leigh Ann. She was in labor!!!! Up we were and on our way. Thank goodness it was the middle of the night because there was fewer people to see the 3 crazy people running through the hospital to labor and delivery. There was so much excitement in that waiting room. Every time a baby was born they would play a lullaby on the overhead speakers in the waiting room. So, naturally every time it played we would get so excited. 
Finally, at 6:58 am on January 16, 1997, the lullaby played announcing the birth of my beautiful niece, Lauren Bayley Sharp. Moments later Keith, my brother-in-law came through the doors that we all had been staring at for so long. He told us all about her and then soon after we all got to go back and meet her. I was the first to hold her. It was a moment I will never forget. She was perfect!! As she was passed around the room, I remember watching my sister and how happy she was and how happy everybody else was and I thought to myself, I can't wait for the day I get to experience this same thing. Well, God had a different plan for me than my sister. My plan is adoption. And what a plan it is. It is a journey filled with excitement, anticipation, waiting, heartache, patience, longing, disappointment and happiness. It is a journey not for the weak of heart. It will literally test you emotionally, physically and spiritually. I have good days and I have really bad days. I have questioned God more times in this journey than others do in a lifetime. I don't mean to make adoption sound like a bad thing. It is the best decision I have ever made. I know without a doubt this is my purpose in life. I also know that God has prepared me for this journey. He has made me into one pretty tough cookie. I have experienced so many things throughout our journey so far that I would have missed out on had we not made this decision. There is a group of ladies from my adoption agency that I have had the privilege of becoming friends with because of adoption. We have never met in person but they are ladies that I can count on to be there if I just want to talk about the frustrations of waiting. They are a source of needed encouragement on the really bad days. So, Sheri, Ellyn, Karen, Aimee, I thank you. I am honored to be on this journey with you. For those of you that are reading this, if you have questions about adoption or if you feel a little tug on your heart, look into it. It is an amazing journey. For the rest of you, please just pray for those of us that are waiting.
Here is a glimpse into my life as an adopting mother.
Today at my workplace we had a representative from Aflac come talk to us about supplemental insurance. He told me all about the short term disability plan that they offer. He said that it will pay up to 70% of your income for 6 weeks while you are on maternity leave. That sounded perfect. I was all ready to sign up and I said, “does it matter that I am adopting?” He made a call to the corporate headquarters to find out. The answer was NO. They will only pay for maternity leave if I give birth to the child. How is this fair? It isn’t. If the federal government can recognizes adoption the same as a biological birth in the Family Medical Leave Act, then why can’t Aflac?
The truth is, if anybody needs benefits, it’s adopting families.
My husband and I do not have any children. We have tried for 10 years. We started our journey to adoption in August 2006. Since that time we have been fingerprinted at the C.I.S., our background check ran numerous times, countless number of visits in our home with social workers, doctor visits, endless piles of paperwork, online courses and let’s not forget the enormous cost that is involved in an adoption. Needless to say there are many hoops you have to jump through for an adoption. Don’t get me wrong, it is all worth it. It is just a little disheartening when you go through so much to have a child and then be told that you do not have the same rights that a biological mother has.
I’m sorry, but I have a hard time swallowing the fact that a 15 year old girl can irresponsibly go out one night, get pregnant and have more rights as a mother than I do. As a matter of fact, she can get Medicaid, WIC, etc. and not even have to pay for a thing. The real kicker tough, guess who is paying for it? Me, as a taxpayer. There are so many programs and benefits available for pregnant girls, but where are the benefits for those of us that are unable to conceive?
A family is a family. It can be made biologically or of different races and different cultures. It doesn’t matter how it was created. It is still a family and ALL families deserve the same rights.
Last Monday, April 26th, I got the best phone call. Sharon (the director of our domestic adoption agency) called to tell us that a birth mom had chosen us. We were so excited. We were going to have a baby boy in July. We told everybody. They were all so happy for us. The girls at my job were planning a shower for us and everything. We were just in shock that it was finally happening.
Well, just as it had all soaked in that we were going to be parents after all this waiting, we got another phone call. Sharon called yesterday after I got home from work. It was bad news. The girl backed out. It is a long story and I don’t feel like explaining it because what difference does it make really. The point is we are not getting our “Charlie Bane” in July.
I just don’t get it. Why does everything have to be so hard. It just isn’t fair. Why does God keep letting bad things happen to us? Have we not been through enough? I mean really, how much more can we take? I am sick of bad news!
So, now we have to tell everybody that we are back on the waiting list. You can’t even begin to understand how much I hate doing that. I get to hear all of the popular gestures, “well, it just wasn’ t the right baby”, “it’s ok, it will happen”, and one of my favorites, “I know how you feel”. NO YOU DON”T!!!! You have no idea how I feel. Only I know how I feel! Well, me & God , which brings me to the next one. The one that makes me want to SCREAM!! “it’s all in God’s timing”. I get so mad when people say that to me. Maybe I should explain. Back in August 2006, when we decided that adoption was the way we were going to build our family, We knew that this was God’s plan for us. There was no doubt (and still isn’t). We both knew that we had to be patient and have faith that God would see us through it. I also know that God is the one in control and only He knows how & when this is going to happen. BUT, when people say that to me it makes me see RED, because to be quiet honest with you, I am pretty ticked off at God right now. The last thing I want to hear is that He is controlling the timing in this. I kind of feel like maybe he has forgotten about us and I am angry!
I don’t know how many people actually read my blog. But if you are reading this, please don’t think I am a hateful ungrateful person. I’m not. I really do appreciate all of my friends and family. I also know that when they say those “popular gestures” that they have nothing but good intentions. I just needed to get all that out and I figured this would be a good place to do that. I have a lot of different emotions right now and I don’t really know what to do with them.
I want to end this on a good note though so…… Today at the daycare where I work I made tomato soup & grilled cheese. The 4 year olds came into the kitchen to get their plates. One of the little girls says, “Mrs. Rachael” and I answered “yes” and she said, “You make the best tomato soup ever, in the world.” I said, “thank you”. She turned to walk out, then she stopped and turned back around and said to me, “I just wanted you to know that so you could have a little sunshine in your day.”
So you see, even though I am angry at God, it is OK. He understands and He always finds a way to remind me that he has not forgotten me.
We have some very exciting news. Robbie and I have started a new adoption process. We are still waiting on Emma from China though. That will not change. There is a daughter in China for us and we are going to get her, we just don't know when.
Robbie and I have always known that we wanted more than one child. Since the wait time has increased so much with China and we are looking at another two more years, we have decided to start our next adoption. So, as of December 31, 2009 we are on the waiting list.
This time we are going with a domestic adoption and have decided to adopt a bi-racial baby. This is something that we discussed before starting our China adoption. We knew we wanted to have a multi-cultural family but decided to go to China first. I guess God had another time line though because more than likely, this adoption will happen first. There is no way to know what the time frame will be because we have to wait on a birthmom to pick us. The good news is there are only three active families waiting for a bi-racial baby at our agency including us. So hopefully we will not have to wait for a very long time.
We did not specify a boy or girl but have names picked out for both already. If it is a girl, her name will be Sophie Mae. If it is a boy, his name will be Charlie Bane. (by the way, Bane means long awaited child)
We are very excited to start this new journey and can't wait to meet the children that God has picked for us.
