He's Always Listening

I have something personal that I just wanted to share with everybody. As you all know, Robbie and I are in the very long process of adopting our daughter from China. We made this decision in August of 2006. This was the best decision we have ever made. At the time we made this decision, the wait time for a child was 12-14 months from the time your paperwork was "logged" into China Center for Adoption Affairs (and it takes 6 months to get to that point). So when we started, we were looking to have our daughter home around May of 2008. Well as all of you know the wait time has doubled and that did not happen. We have been "logged in" for 24 months now and no Emma Rae. Now, there is no definite way to know when we will meet our daughter, but they are saying that it could be another 2 years. Needless to say, this is so very frustrating. A lot of people ask me why we are still waiting and why don't we just drop out. Well, that thought could never cross my mind. That would be like a woman being pregnant and having the baby and then going to the nursery and saying um no I don't want that one, I think I'll take another one. Emma is our daughter and she is in China whether she is born or not or even conceived yet, she is OUR daughter and God knows who she is.

Which brings me to the point of this post. Going through this LONG and ever-increasing process has really put me through some tests. It has tested my patience. It has tested belief in myself. And most of all, it has tested my trust in God. I have had many heated conversations with God over the last several months. But through it all, He has been there, and will remain to be there. He proved that to me yesterday! I was on my way to work. I got in my car and I turned the radio off and I said "OK WE HAVE GOT TO TALK".......and that is what I did. I told God that I was frustrated, tired, upset, aggravated, and just plain MAD at him. How could he do this to me? How could he give me such a strong desire to be a Mom and then make it so blooming hard!! Then I told him, I am going to need something, anything, some kind of sign that you are still here with me, that you haven't forgot me. I pulled up at work and I said "Well, that's it, AMEN".

I went in to work and went about my day like normal. After work I went and met Robbie at Costco we looked around, got a few things and then we left to go home. We were in separate cars, so I got in my car and I pulled off. After I was on the road I realized I never turned my radio back on, so I did. And well, there it was like a ton of bricks...MY SIGN. It was a song that I have never heard before called Yours (new verse) by who else but Stevan Curtis Chapman. The song says that everything is God's...Everything!!! That includes ME. I belong to God!!! I matter, my feelings matter, my pain matters, because I belong to God. He knows what he is doing. He is not going to put me through anything by myself. He has a plan for me and he is standing right beside me every step of the way. Yesterday, I just needed a little reminder and he gave it to me.

You know like I said earlier, I have had a few heated conversations with God over the last several months but I talked to my Mom the other day about that and she reminded me that, that's OK. God understands. He knows how we feel. He knows that things get tough and it is OK to get mad. God is a mighty God and He can handle it.

Before I go, I just want to say Thank You to all of the people that are going through this journey with us, our family, our friends, and even the people that have never even met us. I know that there are a lot of people praying for us and that means more than you will ever know.

I also posted a video at the very bottom of my blog page for the song that I mentioned in this post, just listen to it. It's a good reminder for all of us.